The best advice I’ve ever gotten, was also the most heartbreaking.
This was advice from an ex boyfriend. He & I were trying to remain friends and met to catch up over strong margaritas. He had been out of the country for about five years since I sobbed my eyes out at a train station waving goodbye and promising to visit. I never did. It took about two months before we stopped speaking all together. The ex faded into an enigma of a place and time in my life that would never return.
We had traveled and lived together. Yet, here he was smiling at me across the table and I knew nothing about him. I mean, I know his high school yearbook quote was from his favorite Pink Floyd song. I know he sometimes doesn’t brush he teeth on his days off. I know he thinks he is a good dancer. I know he is not. I know such intimate & personal feelings he has towards his parents. I know what makes him throw ash trays across the room. But, here I am, smiling and finding the right words to sum up how I moved on and forward.
I was explaining how I was now dating another traveling, artistic type. I said how hard it is to know if I should be seeing other people. I wasn’t asking for his input. I was letting him know I had other adventurous, exciting men in my life. Which blew up in my face when The Ex uttered:
“If a boy loves you, the way you deserve to be loved - he will move to you, he will call you, he will be there with you, telling you he loves you. If you ever wonder - then the answer is no.”
The advice stung as I choked back tears and licked the salty rim of my drink. I knew he was sort of admitting some horrible truth he felt he needed to get off his chest. It hurt for a few moments that he could say that to me so brutally candid. I had sex with him that night. I got up and left while he was still sleeping & haven’t spoken to him since.
I realized, I had never loved him either. I was more devastated that he didn’t love me.